Pure Ridiculousness

I begrudgingly attended a “Pure Romance” party last night (and my single reader wanted me to report back on it). So, here goes:

From the “licker” and “sniffer” hands (“You can sniff your licker, but don’t lick your sniffer”), to the pheromone enhanced lotions and lubes, to throat and butt-numbing creams, to the vibrators that not only vibrate but also twist and twirl and look pretty darn scary … The evening was absolutely ridiculous!

Having an excuse to get the girls together is one thing, but pressuring them to buy sex toys or other enhancers they probably don’t really need (or, dare I say, want) just so that you can get 10% of the sales to “purchase” your own sex toys or other enhancers is something else entirely. Now, I like my cousin very much, but as I told her, I’d much rather stop by, eat, and hang out without the pretense of buying something. First it was “PartyLite” candles, now it’s “Pure Romance” sexual products, tomorrow it will be “Mary Kay” make-up or “Pampered Chef” kitchen supplies.

Enough is enough already!

The “Pure Romance” brochure that I brought home says the following:

As a society, we spend so much time maintaining our homes, our cars, even our lawns—but, ask yourself honestly, when was the last time you maintained your relationship?

To that, I reply:

Do we really need a spinning, whirling, twirling, suction-cupping purple penis to maintain our relationships? What ever happened to conversations with the ones we love? You know, communication and just being comfortable with each other? Personally, I don’t need a measly 4 oz. container of “Dust Me Pink” powder (that costs $13 and tastes like berries!) and an $8 feather duster to have a romantic evening with my husband. A good meal, a back rub, and just cuddling together on the couch can be enough to get me going.

But maybe I’m in the minority. Maybe I’m silly to think that sex without all these extra frills is enough (and not old fashioned or even boring). Maybe I’m really missing out on all the excitement that products like “Nympho Niagra” or “Ex-T-Cee” or “X-Scream” can give me (those are real names, by the way).

Somehow, I don’t think that I am.

So, there you have it, my report on the “Pure Romance” party. Yes, I enjoyed spending time with "the girls" and I got a good laugh at some of the corny product names … But maybe I should have gone completely wild and splurged for the $150 dollar “Love Swing.”

If my marriage falls apart in the next couple of months, I guess I’ll know why. ;)