Early Christmas Present

Last Friday afternoon marked the beginning of my Christmas vacation.

While the school day itself was uneventful for the most part, I wanted to share a portion of an article in our school's "newspaper." It's author, Andy, is one of my favorite students because he is one of the few that actually gets it.

He wrote:

Are your teachers heroes? Yes, they are heroes, but they are put in the back of our minds. They don't sit on golden thrones like our athletes do, but instead are at times teased, complained about and made fun of because they push us to make us better than we are ... In this season of giving, and maybe beyond, if we're all that we should be, perhaps the most important gift that we can offer is a simple "thank you" to those who don't set themselves up in the glare of celebrity, but instead serve humanity and make the best of this world. If you have a moment during our winter break, make the world a little brighter. Look around and find someone to thank.

No. Thank you Andy.

For giving me hope that my hard work doesn't not go unrecognized by the students that I'm trying reach ...

White Lights

Weeks ago, I took to decorating the house for the Christmas season. While most of my decorating was "by the books" and pretty much the same as it has been for the past couple of years, I decided to change things up a little bit (throw caution to the wind!) and wind some white mini-lights around the railing to our second floor ...

Although it was completely unorthodox ... Usually, I use the colored mini-lights ... I was quite satisfied with the finished product:



It looked peaceful.

Angelic, even.

Certainly a decoration that is completely in tune with the holiday spirit and all that it entails.

To my dear husband, however, it is merely bright ...

"Did you have to use the white lights?" He complained upon seeing them in all their glowing glory. "They're going to cause a glare on the TV! There's no way I'm going to turn those on in the evening!"

Well, since that first day of decorating, my pretty white lights have only been on when I've turned them on ... Until last night when I spied him reading with the peaceful lights twinkling by his side.

Someone must be getting into the "Christmas Spirit."

Semantics

After progress reports go out, a teacher can pretty much expect to get attitude from angry students. This can come by way of reduced conversation between classes, refusal to answer questions and/or participate in class, or (my absolute favorite) verbal confrontation.

One of my morning classes is blessed by the presence of (we'll call him) Jason*. A sophomore boy with a huge ego, Jason feels that he is an absolute gift to the class and never fails to make that assertion known ... He harasses younger students by "taking" their seats and gives them a hard time when they ask for them back. He dictates who should answer in-class questions by giving answers to select students and telling them to "Raise your hand!". He eggs students on, especially the girls, by making rude comments and/or gestures. Ultimately, though, he likes to engage in power struggles with me ...

I guess you might say that a teacher, like myself, is Lex Luthor to his Superman (or something like that). So, it's too bad that I'm especially gifted at avoiding that sort of thing ...

All while coming out victorious!

Just this week, at the end of class, Jason started muttering (loud enough for me to hear, mind you) that he was "incorrectly accused" of cheating on an assignment and his mother was all over him for it.

After listening to him complain for a good five minutes as he garnered the rest of the class' attention, I simply replied that I don't merely accuse students of cheating. Cheating in my classroom a serious offense, so, if I see a student cheating they have to deal with the consequences. I then explained that, in the particular instance of which Jason was speaking, I had asked the students to take out a piece of paper and list some of the concepts that they had learned the previous day ... This assignment did not require anything but that single piece of paper, and Jason had decided to pull out his notes as well.

"But that's not cheating!" He exclaimed.

"Using notes when you have been asked to put them away, isn't cheating?" I asked.

"No," he replied, but offered no alternate explanation.

"Okay ... Maybe cheating is too harsh of a word," I offered. "I'll have to think of something else to call it ... Inappropriate use of notes, maybe? Not following directions?"

Upset that he hadn't ruffled my feathers, he let the topic drop until class ended ... But I'm pretty sure that won't be the last I've heard about it (or situations like it).

When students (like Jason) feel that they are above those in positions of authority, there really is no winning. Their minds are set and focused on one particular fact: They are right and you are wrong. Cheating or not cheating, to them, is a slippery slope of shaky definitions.

It's all the same until they are caught.

*For any new readers, names will always be changed to keep these sneaky kids off of my back! :)

One Minute

A day in the life of a teacher:

• Getting ready for school in the morning: 45 minutes
• Traveling to the school: 7 minutes
• Actual teaching time: 200 minutes
• Struggling with students for their attention during that "teaching time": 40 minutes
• Eating lunch: 30 minutes
• Conversing with students during study hall: 20 minutes
• Planning lessons: 50 minutes
• Writing demerits for behavior infractions: 15 minutes
• Helping a struggling student at the end of the day: 30 minutes
• Watching the light finally go off for said student as she finally "got it" and feeling completely validated that, just maybe, I'm doing something right: 1 minute

It's those small moments, those little unexpected minutes, that truly make this job worth doing.

Yeah, despite the chaos leading up to Christmas Break, today was a good day.

High School Lessons #4

Lesson #4: Teaching makes you impervious to insults

There are many things about teenagers that, although fairly obvious, jump out at you after spending much of your day with them. The main thing that I've noticed this year is that these kids are completely mercurial. Hot one minute, cold the next, my students never fail to surprise me with their reactions to in-class situations or the logic behind their actions and behaviors.

For example, my students strongly believe that, if they are upset about something in my classroom (be it the way I am running things, an assignment, or a test), it will upset me, as well.

Imagine, if you will, the following being said in a whiny voice:

"This test is stupid!"

"I've never seen a test more pointless than this one!"

"You are such a hater!"

"I like [insert other teacher's name here] so much better than you!"

"This is the most boring class I've ever been in!"

Yeah, yeah ... Keep the insults coming ...

The test probably is stupid and pointless (When, after Ohio Graduation Tests are over, are any of these kids going to need to know the three types of rocks?). I most certainly do hate your bad behavior. That other teacher can "borrow" you from my classroom anytime! Classes where no one participates are boring for me, too ...

It's just so amusing that they don't realize the ineffectiveness of their approach. Maybe, last year as a new teacher, I would have spent a moment or two thinking about their complaints. I might have stressed over whether or not I, or my class, was well liked. That's not to say that I don't care about these things now, I just see how fleeting these teenage feelings are ... A student that is "mad at me" one afternoon, will be smiling and waving to me the next morning.

Besides, I'm not looking to be liked ... I'm looking to be respected.

Flowers and Chocolate

As much as I complain about my high school students and their lack of motivation, attention, effort, and respect, there are a handful that, while they do not have an excess of those qualities, make up for it with kindness and creativity.

Every day, students are trying to give me things.

• Pieces of art from art class
• Holiday decorations (like paper pilgrims for Thanksgiving or potato turkeys)
• Origami flowers
• Quick doodles or drawings on notebook paper (or my white boards)
• High fives
• Hugs ...

The list could go on and on.

Many days, I feel like a new parent, graciously accepting all of the paper creations from my "kids" and assuring them that I'll proudly display them on my desk or at home.

"Really?" They ask, disbelieving. "You'll really hang it on your refrigerator?"

Of course I will ... Why not?

It's funny to me how, sometimes, it really is the simple things that make the most difference. Maybe these kids aren't learning science during each and every lesson. Maybe they are bored and they wish that they were anywhere but in my classroom ... But that least they know that I care. At least those few gift-givers can go home and tell their parents, or friends, or maybe just their diary, that someone made them feel like they were important, that whatever they had to give was valuable.

It may not be a traditional gift of flowers or chocolate, but it's something ... And I see that. I only hope that, as the year progresses, these"gifts" remain and new ones (such as those in-class attributes) follow.

Internal Struggle

The longer I have this blog, the more I want to just let it all out there ... Tell detailed stories about my day, tales of long ago (college, high school, childhood!), post pictures that show more than just the back of my head or the side of my face.

Yet, my better judgement causes me to err on the side of caution.

Although I'm still getting used to the profession, I've come to understand that I am a teacher and anything that I post on the world-wide-web has a very real possibility of reaching the fragile young minds (ha!) of my students. It's not like I have any risque stories or skeletons to keep hidden (I will swear up and down that I am the most boring, well behaved, law abiding person on this planet), and while I wouldn't say anything on here and I wouldn't say offline, I feel that I have a real responsibility to keep up the facade ...

At least for now.

Despite the real need for me to be committed to that decision (to remain somewhat anonymous, although I'm sure I've left enough "clues" to be found out), it bothers me that this blog will always be missing something if that's precisely what I do.

As I've spent more time on other blogs, I've come to find that there is an honesty that comes with being open and truly "putting yourself out there." I realize that, as long as a part of me is hidden in the shadows, this blog will never attain that sort of honesty. It will always be incomplete.

I've chosen to write in this forum not only because a friend pressured me to do so, but because (I feel) I actually have something to say ... Whether it's simple blabber about my day, a photograph I've taken, or a commentary on the world of teaching as I know it, I post for more reason than to just eat up some of my time. Maybe selfishly, I believe that others could read what I write and be moved in some way. At the very least, whomever stumbles here might be entertained on some level.

I know this isn't award-worthy stuff, but it's me.

It just sort of stinks that as this blog progresses, and as I find my voice, I have to hold back in some respects ... Anonymity isn't easy!

It's a good thing I'm not a superhero.

Downtime

Since I'm not bringing as much work home with me anymore (read: none), I find myself sitting and putzing around on the computer for hours on end. It definitely doesn't help that my husband is off at his college classes two nights a week, and then, on the other nights, he's holed up in our bedroom listening to movie scores and studying ...

Left to my own devices, I've found a new passion for photography. I've always liked taking pictures ... But now, I find myself editing and altering them using the pitiful software on my computer.

For example, what do you get when you put your cat in a choke hold and snap a photo using your other arm?

This:


It's certainly not much in comparison with some of the photos I see on Flickr and other blogs that I frequent, but it's a start.

And it gives me something to do.

Hopefully, I'll have something better to photograph than the side of my face and my uncooperative cats one day...

Improvisation

When I went back to school to become a teacher, I learned a lot about classroom management, adolescent development, and pedagogy.

But there were some things that were suspiciously kept silent.

For instance, they never tell you that ...

• Students will hate you one day and want to hug you the next.
• Baking soda and vinegar reactions are always exciting.
• Students (in high school!) are always putting things in their mouths.
• Big, bulky test tube racks make nice bathroom passes and deter some students from using the restroom during class time ... They don't want to look stupid carrying that dumb thing around!
• The floor of your classroom will end up looking like a garbage can by the end of the day.
• Drama is lurking around every corner.
• Shirts miraculously untuck themselves.
• Comfortable shoes are essential to maintaining a good mood (cooperative behavior from your students doesn't hurt, either).
• When a student asks to "borrow a pen or a pencil" they really mean that they are going to keep it.
• Students always ask for extra credit ... But very rarely complete it when it is given.
• Seat charts are made to be changed again, and again, and again, and again ... And again!
• Correct use of the English language (both verbal and written) is a rarity.
• A stapler can be used to close a student's shirt (so as to keep her from exposing her "feminine charms" to the entire world).

Is it Christmas Break yet?!

The High Road

For those that know me fairly well, there are two facets to my personality:

1. On one hand, I can be very friendly, loyal, and kindhearted.
2. On the other, I can be sarcastic, mean-spirited, and prone to gossip.

It's almost as if there's still a little bit of teenage girl trapped inside of me, willing to partake in drama just for the sake of doing so ... Even though, at twenty-six, I'm well aware that it's not becoming or attractive in any way.

While I always say I'm going to stop being so juvenile, I never really go around to making good on my own internal promises.

Until recently.

I feel like I'm growing up or something.

This past Sunday was my sister-in-law's baby shower. This meant, not only ogling over all the cute baby things, but also spending some time with my extended family members ... From both the in-law and the other-in-law sides of my family. Usually, I'd just steer clear of the other-in-laws for the sake of my own comfort and sanity, but something compelled me to be a little different this time around.

Just recently, I "friended" and have spoken to, my brother-in-law's older sister through the magic of Facebook. As it turns out, we have a few things in common ... One of them being the same confused feelings over being happy for the parents-to-be, yet sad that we are not the ones who are pregnant in the first place. On the surface, it's a great comfort to know that someone else feels exactly as I do ... It's also nice to think that these conversations might change things (for the better) as the family grows and expands ... And we inevitably spend more time together.

She's a nice girl.

While, one-on-one, it is so easy for me to declare the truth and steer clear of my gossiping ways, I fall into trouble when I'm in the presence of some of my husband's other relatives, namely, a group of his female cousins. Again, one-on-one, these girls are wonderful (beautiful inside and out), but put them together and they produce a virtual black hole that encompasses anyone or anything within a ten foot radius of themselves ... Positivity slips through and is gone forever. It's inside of this black hole that they let their inner teenagers loose to mock and tease the same other-in-laws that I am now growing to like.

They make comments like "big nose" or "buck-toothed." They complain about their fashion choices or any mannerisms that they may happen to witness. They make the conscious choice not to like these people, for no other reason than because they can.

On any other day I'd jump right in and laugh along with them ... But not this time.

For once, I took the high road.

Instead of adding to their conversations, adding fuel to their fire, I ignored them when they got negative. I left the table (with the guise of getting some food or refreshments) and went over to greet my other-in-laws and see what was happening on their end. In short, I said I'd make a change in my behavior ... And I actually followed through. I was the friendly, kindhearted person that I know I can be.

For once, I didn't fall in to the black hole. It was wonderful.

"Geez," I said at one point when the cousins were getting out of hand. "I'm glad that you like me, because I'd hate to hear what you say about me when I'm not around!"

While I'm still in possession of the two personality traits that I listed, I really do feel like I'm taking a different path from here on out. I may slip or struggle every now and then, but I can always look back at the feeling of joy from acting respectable. I know that, deep down, I'm not a bad person ... But if I produce a pattern of negative behaviors, how would a stranger know that?

It's time I start (consistently) acting my age.

As they say, actions speak louder than words ...

Compliment

After last week's Friday entry, it's nice to end this week on a positive note ...

I've been called many things in my lifetime, but this one, courtesy of a student, is new to me.

(Definition #4 is my favorite)

Please keep in mind that I'm probably as "white bread" as they come and that my students this year aren't that urban.

Very interesting ... :)

Loud Mouth

Despite what the title of this post suggests, I'm normally not a very "loud" person. That's not to say that I can't be loud at times ... I'd just rather blend into the background rather than boldly stand out against it.

As a teacher, I have become more used to being the center of attention ... But, who am I kidding? Half of the time, the students aren't even paying attention to me anyway ... Regardless of whether or not the little ears are listening, I speak with a loud, authoritative tone. I never feel like I'm shouting (at least, not unless I want to be shouting), rather, I'm pronouncing and enunciating each word so that all can hear.

At my previous school, I was chastised for doing this.

"Speak softly," my principal would chide, often leaving little sticky notes on my teacher's manuals and lesson plans. "If you speak softly, the children will also speak softly."

While this type of thought, the whole "lead by example" mantra, may work sometimes, I have found that teenagers are not especially receptive to it. Certainly, a calm voice will keep them more subdued than a frantic, nervous one, but volume means very little to them.

They are perpetually loud.

So, when a student looks you in the eye during a lab activity and asks, "Why are you yelling?" as you are trying to explain something to their small group, I guess it's time to turn down the volume a touch.

Mission: Accomplice

I have always considered myself to be a "dog person," but I am now quite accustomed to life with cats. I like how low maintenance they are, how they get embarrassed when they do something stupid, how their meows sound unique ... I like when they purr for no good reason (usually after you've had a bad day) or how (only if they feel like it) they curl up on your lap or next to you in bed and keep you warm.

The longer I have cats, the more interesting I realize that they are, and the more I realize that life would be weird without one. However, I've also come to find that my cats (at the very least) are constantly scheming ...

They're up to no good.

For example, this past weekend, I came upstairs to find "my" cat, our black mixed-breed, laying all adorably in the doorway to the master bedroom. Unable to resist a fat creature like herself, I knelt down and gave her a few good "love taps" instead of entering the room. She promptly began to purr and stretch out, obviously enjoying the attention.

Then I head a bumbling, rustling noise coming from inside ... Just beyond what I could see from the doorway...

As it turns out, our other cat, a petite, little Tortie, was into something she definitely should not have been ... And the other cat was covering for her! It was like the old lookout in heist movies, the guard standing at the door to make sure that nothing went awry. Sort of like Mr. Orange of Reservoir Dogs, but without all the blood.

It wasn't all that long ago, when our black cat was new to the house, that the Tortie didn't want anything to do with her.

Oh, how times change!

Hissy Fit

You wouldn't think that a high school boy would just let loose and throw a hissy fit, but that's totally what happened today ...

All I wanted to do was have a nice, structured little review session for an upcoming test, but no, I had to be interrupted ... Over and over and over ... By the same kid and his stupid iPod headphones ...

So, I took them. No big deal, really.

I must confiscate at least one item per day, so I've got a system now: Just calmly walk over, hold my hand out for contraband object and/or nuisance, and place it safely in my desk drawer until the end of the day. Usually this goes by without a hitch and the student sits quietly and sadly, mentally kicking him/herself for getting caught.

This time, something different happened ...

"I'm going to get those back TODAY!" I hear him shout.

Seriously. Just like that. "TODAY!"

If he were standing, he probably would have stomped his foot for emphasis.

Wonderful.

So, class finally ends, he leaves, and I begin to get ready for the last period of the day ... Until he shows up again.

"Can I have my headphones back?" He asks, as if some time has actually passed.

"No," I say without really looking up. He shouldn't have been messing around in the first place.

Somewhat unexpectedly, his volume raises from one to one hundred and he launches into a tirade about how I write out referrals for gum chewing, pen chewing (not true, but it made me chuckle), and every other little thing that he feels is acceptable for a student to do in class. He tells me how terrible I am, how I'm unfair, and mean, and rude, and unreasonable.

And then he screams. Literally. Screams.

"GIVE ME BACK MY HEADPHONES NOW!"

I just sit there, stunned at my desk, and shrug. "Sorry," I reply timidly as his friend has to drag him from the classroom before things really get out of hand. I'm glad for it, because at least he's out of my room. I'm oddly not afraid of any of these emotional kids, and it's not that Mr. Temper Tantrum is a big kid, but he'd probably be pretty scrappy in a fight. He'd almost certainly fight dirty.

Once he is gone, all of the students who have been waiting for class to begin are looking at me. I think that they must be waiting for me to burst into tears.

"Are you okay?" One asks, looking at me like I'm some injured animal.

"He wouldn't have been able to hit you," another one says, "I would stopped him before he could try."

"I'm fine," I say, because, really, this sort of thing isn't even that surprising anymore ... As sad as it is, I almost expect it (and this kid is a repeat offender).

With hours having passed between that incident and now, I'm still not sure how I feel about it. On one hand, I'm extremely angry that a student could treat me this way, pretty much without consequence (at least for the weekend because the referral hasn't made it's way to the Principal yet). On the other, the educator in me realizes that Mr. Temper Tantrum's crazed reaction wasn't necessarily directed at me, but rather the culmination of a host of other events that had been weighing him down ... Any psychology or conflict management class will tell you that the confiscation of his headphones was just icing on the woe cake that had been baking all day long.

Even so, this is not how I imagined teaching to be.

What happened to the kids that love to learn? What happened to honors science classes? What happened to expelling a kid after he/she has broken the rules one too many times? What happened to just turning homework in on time?

It's almost enough to make me have a hissy fit.

Artificial Fire

You'll probably be surprised to hear that scientists aren't positive as to why leaves change color in the autumn ...

Is it because pigments in the leaf (specifically chlorophyll) break down as the weather turns colder?

Is it part of a "bigger picture" of winter preparation for the tree or plant?

Is it a type of bug repellant from aphids that can only see in ultraviolet, blue, and green?


Whatever it is, I could look at fall-colored trees all day.

They are certainly striking this time of year ... Especially when set against a bright, blue sky.

Book Worm

Early this week, I paid a visit to my local library so that I might borrow some books for school. Once there, something about the crisp air outside, the early darkness, and the perusing down the "science" aisle made me think back to many of my past library adventures ...

In third grade, I remember walking to the library from my elementary school. It was only a couple of blocks away, but it was my first real time getting somewhere by myself. My parents even drew me a map with street names and arrows ...

Also in third grade, I remember huddling around a copy of "Where Did I Come From?" with my friends and learning about the wonders of the male and female anatomy ... And how everything fits together. One of the librarians actually came over and chided us for looking at it. I'll never forget the look on her face when I told her my parents had the same book at home and had allowed me to read it many times over.

Later, maybe in sixth grade, I acquired an obsession with the Titanic and actually went around the library taking every single Titanic-themed book (with pictures) that I could find and piling them on my table to look at. Never getting around to taking them out, I simply followed this routine, over and over, and insisted on creating that same pile (which probably made the librarians crazy). Looking back, I must have felt some sense of accomplishment as the pile shifted from a large one, into two smaller ones: "those books that I did not read yet" to "those that I finished."

Seventh grade began my "Outsiders" obsession, in which I took any S.E. Hinton book that I could find and read it ... Multiple times. This also began the Matt Dillon fangirling that I keep referring to and the hunt for any available VHS that had him in it. Thanks to the library, I got those videos for free! I had a very limited allowance back then.

Much later, in college, I had to venture into the underbelly of the school's library to find sources for my senior thesis. The feeling of being alone between the stacks was both creepy and oddly exciting ... If only the thesis itself had been as fun as the trip for information!

As you can see, I have many fond memories of my time in the library and/or the books that I would read there. My most recent visit to my local library seems to have rekindled all of those fond feelings. I literally found an interesting book, pulled it from the shelf, paged through it for a moment, and then plopped myself down in the middle of the aisle where I promptly lost myself in its pages.

It's been a long time since that has happened ... And after a long day at school, it was a nice experience!

High School Lessons #3

Lesson #3: Parent/Teacher Conferences can be a good thing

They say that nothing is truly free in this world.

They aren't lying.

I have a "Teacher Free Day" today, so that means no school ... But you better believe that I have earned every single penny (and more) of this paid day off! While I'm only actually in front of the classroom "teaching" students for just under 3.5 hours a day, and my experiences this year have not been nearly as traumatic as those from last year, my job is far from easy.

Being a teacher requires you to be so many things at once: expert, entertainer, motivator, disciplinarian, inspiration, friend ... Although I'm not yet at that stage of my life, I'd have to compare it to being a "temporary parent."

Just when you think you know what you're doing, you realize that you know nothing at all.

Just when you think you've seen everything, something comes as quite a surprise.

Anyway, this "Teacher Free Day" is a reward for making it through two consecutive nights of (oft dreaded) Parent/Teacher Conferences. Despite the blatant lack of parents in attendance (I probably saw just under half of the parents I should have), I think that things went well, and I actually enjoyed myself during each of the 3.5 hour sessions. Of the parents that did show, many were enthusiastic and perfectly pleasant individuals, just the type of parents a teacher hopes for ... And they gave me so much insight as to why their kids act certain ways and just what to do about it in the classroom.

For example, some parents took the "tough love" approach and gave me permission to knock their sons and daughters "upside the head." Others offered their unyielding support and put into words what I've been feeling for months: "You're not there to entertain [the kids], you're there to teach them." One father actually teared up as he described how proud he was of his daughter for achieving straight A's this quarter (and he should be proud, because his daughter is awesome ... I don't know what I'd do without her!).

In every "conference," I gained something useful for the coming months. I gained validation that I'm doing the best that I can on any give day.

I gained perspective.

I wouldn't say that these conferences make me wish that I was back in the classroom instead of enjoying my lovely stress-free Free Day at home ... But I will admit that all of the hand shakes and "thank yous" provide a shock of bright sunshine in a profession that can so easily be dark and stormy. Uphill battle or not, communication (and support!) from parents can really make the difference and give you the energy to keep on going.

Free Days don't hurt either. :)

A Confession ...

For the record, I don't talk politics ... So, I'm not one to get in a heated debate over a potential President (or Vice President for that matter).

As my previous post implied, I wasn't particularly thrilled with either of my choices this year ... And things haven't been much different in the past. I just can't understand all of the venom that is launched from either side of party lines in defense of a candidate. I mean, we are talking about people here ... Human beings. No human that I know of is infallible ... Not even the Pope (in my mind) and I'm Catholic!

So, this year was no different for me. I tried to research the issues and the proposed policies, keep things to myself, and (finally!) vote. My opinion is my own, I don't expect others to agree with me, and I have no qualms about keeping that information to myself.

What can I say? I'm stubborn ... And a good secret-keeper.

Despite making this point very clear, I don't think that I could count the number of times one student or another has asked me: "So, who did you vote for?" over the past two days since the election.

"I don't talk politics," has been my faithful reply. "Besides, I'm an Independent anyway."

Yet, for some reason, I feel like I can be honest here and say that, in the end, my vote went to John McCain. I admit this because I am troubled by some of the misconceptions and generalizations I see thrown around about those people that didn't vote for Barack Obama.

No, I'm not a Republican robot ... I like to form my opinion issue by issue, not because a group of seasoned politicians dictates what I should believe.

No, I'm not a racist ... I'm extremely excited at the reality of an African-American President. Maybe it will inspire some of my students of minority descent to get off their lazy butts and do something positive for their education and their future!

No, I'm not a Bible thumping pro-lifer ... While I would never abort my own baby (regardless of the circumstance), I believe that others should be able to make their own choices.

No, I'm not driven by fear ... The world today is a scary place, but I have to believe that people are good at their cores and that good will overcome evil. I also think that there is something to be said of "on the job training." While my first teaching job was hell because it was just that, I learned a lot and am a better person for it. Who is to say the Presidency can't function in the same manner?

No, I'm not happy with the status quo ... I agree that it is time for a change!

(Does that cover them all?)

To tell you the truth, I'm just selfish.

When it came down to it, I felt that John McCain would be more friendly to the small business owners (those in the $200,000 and above income range). That friendliness, and resultant lack of taxation, would selfishly help me by allowing my husband to continue his fruitful employment at a small business. There would be no lull in jobs to work on, no layoffs either ... Just gainful employment for the next four years while he returns to school and I rake in a teacher's wage.

That was it.

Honestly, that was the defining bit of information that swung my vote in its particular direction. So, I resent reading in other blogs and various forums, that all of the John McCain voters are inherently bad people ... Or just people that are just so stuck in their tired, old-fashioned ways that they are afraid of something different.

That's not me.

I'm just selfish.

Just Whelmed

So, I've spent the past two hours searching for information about candidates, issues, levies, and the like in preparation for my visit to the polls tomorrow. Not only have I acquired a headache and the distinct urge to scream and throw myself down the stairs in that short (ha!) amount of time, but I have also found a practical use for the topic of the following movie quote:

"I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?" (10 Things I Hate About You)

From this experience in voter education, I believe that being "whelmed" occurs when you are both incredibly overwhelmed and underwhelmed all at the same time (thus, the two cancel each other out). For example, I am extremely overwhelmed with all the propaganda that has been flung in my face lately (seriously, during my two hours of searching, the phone must have rung about five times with requests and reminders to vote for one person or another), but I am also incredibly underwhelmed by the choices laid out before me. It's like the South Park kids choosing between a "giant douche" and a "turd sandwich" for their school mascot ...

Thank God this insanity ends tomorrow ... Sort of.

Young Love

Before you go any further, I'd just like to add the disclaimer that I don't consider myself to be musically inclined at all. In fact, besides some of my old standbys (that I could listen to over and over again), I probably have horrible taste in music. I believe that my musical tastes are so random because I either fall in love with a beat (Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it!), or I ignore the music completely and just tune in to the lyrics.

Today, while driving home from work, the most annoyingly poppy, sugary-sweet song came on the radio. I recognized the gaspy voice immediately ... It was none other than David Archuleta (runner up of last season's American Idol). I was tempted to change the channel, but, was pulled in and ended up listening to the words of the song:

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it really just another crush?

Do you catch a breath, when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I've tried and tried to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going away

Now, I'm already dreading the fact that I'm posting the lyrics of an American Idol-related song on this blog ... But something about the song resonated with me and transported me back to late October 1999.

Weird.

Reading the lyrics now, as when I heard them before, I think of my husband and the relationship we forged when we were teenagers.

I was a typical sixteen-year-old, crushing on just about every celebrity with blue eyes and blond hair (and dark-haired, dark eyed Matt Dillon, but that's for another day), so it was really strange being presented with a real dating opportunity in the form of my closest male friend. The thought made me queasy, at first, and my inexperience at dealing with such issues practically ruined things before they began.

It was so hard for me to imagine being anything other than friends, because we got along so well as it was. We could talk about anything together (and did, often spending hours per night on the phone). We found humor in everything ... I don't think another person on this Earth has made me laugh as much or as hard as he has (and does). Even so, we often had those "serious" conversations: What if we did start to date? What would that mean? How would it work? How would we act? Would we last beyond senior year of high school?

While things finally eased from friendship to romantic (and I use the term very loosely because the poor boy barely got to hold my hand) relationship quite easily, I think back now and can recognize all the little obstacles that we had to conquer along the way. There were tears, fights, misunderstandings (and not just of the superficial, teenage variety), but somehow we survived it and are still together almost ten years later. Whether I just came to my senses, or "crumbled and gave in," as he would say, things were just right for us, and still continue to be.

So, back to the song that sparked this entire train of thought ...

In all its teenage glory, it speaks to me as if I'm still that teenager from 1999. I totally feel those lyrics ... I was that person. I asked those questions. I agonized as any typical teenager would and emerged from the situation a better, stronger person.

Things actually worked out.

This is one crush that isn't going anywhere. :)

Warm Fuzzies

What I wouldn't give to spend just one day of the week as my cats do ...



I think they've got the right idea!

Periodically Awesome

Although I'm a big complainer, consistently whining about the trials and tribulations of being a teacher and how I'm not sure if I really, truly like it (but who really likes their job, anyway?) ... I have to admit that it does have its amusing moments.

For example (and for your enjoyment), here is a student's answer from a Physical Science quiz that I administered today:

What property did Henry Moseley use to organize the periodic table?

Do you give up?

No, it's not atomic number (really, though, it is) ...

The answer is ...

Wait for it ...

"The awesome property!"

Ha! Awesome!

Fakers

If you haven't stepped foot in a high school recently, you would be amazed at the things teenagers are thinking up and trying to get away with.

For example, I confiscated not one, but two, cell phones from the same person today. She was sneakily going into her pencil case during class and, as I happened to walk by, I could see her animal print phone inside. Being that there is a strictly and stringently-enforced rule about having cell phones in class (they are absolutely not tolerated), I held out my hand in a very teacher-like gesture and silently waited.

This brought out a string of babbled excuses ...

"I was just checking the time!"

"It's not even on!"

"Let me explain what's going on here ..."

"I need to have the phone," I said, very simply and calmly (you never know what is going to set a teenager off). "It wouldn't be fair to all the other students' whose phones I've had to take."

Instead of just handing over the phone that I had, quite obviously already looked at, she produced a second, different phone from the pencil case and placed it in my hand. This one was silver ... Definitely not the same phone that I had seen initially.

"I need the other phone, the animal print one," I prodded.

Then the waterworks came on.

As it turns out, the students at my school carry what they refer to as "fake" cell phones. These are the phones that they no longer use, yet carry around in hopes that an unsuspecting teacher won't know the difference between the phone that they see and the phone that they are given.

Clever, huh?

Too bad I have eyes ... That work!

And this is not the first time this has happened!

During a previous cell phone debacle, a student gave me his iPod in hopes that I could be "tricked" into believing that's what I really had seen.

Nice try, but sorry.

If only these kids would dedicate this same amount of time and energy preparing for their tests and completing their homework ...

Selective Hearing

I've probably noticed many times over during the course of our marriage and previous relationship, but, tonight, it was especially apparent that my husband does not listen to a word I say!

There was a fundraiser being thrown for one the teachers that I work with at a local sports' bar. His wife, who has been battling cancer for years, recently had some complications, causing him to go on leave from teaching and ultimately making times tight for their family of four. For a small fee, my husband and I were prepared to make an appearance and enjoy some all you could eat food and all you could drink drinks, as well as a little conversation with my coworkers. As we were leaving the house, I told him (in no uncertain terms) where we were headed.

He nodded as if he understood.

My first clue that he wasn't paying attention was when he made to back out of the driveway and head the wrong direction down our street ...

My second clue was when he moved into a turn only lane to head left, when we simply had to continue straight down the road ...

After nearly being hit by another car during a quick lane change, my third clue presented itself when I kept insisting he head toward the desired street and he continued to harp on why the earlier left had turn would have made arriving at our destination easier ...

Finally on the right track, I (perhaps stupidly) asked him: "Didn't you listen to me when I said where we were headed?"

Glancing sideways at me, and much too quickly for my tastes, he replied: "Nope."

I should be mad, maybe even a little annoyed that my own husband routinely tunes me out ... As if I don't usually know better than him, anyway! Instead I somehow find the humor in all of this.

How does the saying go?

"It's either laugh or cry?"

That sounds about right.

Identity Crisis

For some reason, even though I've been teaching for over a year now, I often have a hard time describing myself as a teacher.

Maybe it's the fact that I'm very limited in terms of what or how I can teach my content area (due to both a lack of materials and a lack of cooperation by my students), or that I'm not really loving the occupation as a whole (not to sound whiny, but, except for the summers, teaching is a lot of work!). Maybe it's the little nuances like administering student assessments, or writing discipline referrals, or educating myself and honoring Individualized Education Plans, or dealing with other accommodations in the classroom. Maybe it's the various education movements that seemingly put all the power in the students' hands, or the disjointed nature of things that won't allow me to truly plan for anything. Whatever the case, there are many things about teaching that I just don't want to deal with.

Seriously, why can't I just show up each day and teach?

Why do there have to be a million distractions hitting me from every angle, constantly distorting my focus?

On most days, upon meeting new people or seeing old friends from long ago, I'd much rather sit back and talk about my time in the research field. I'd almost rather refer to my past profession and say "when I was a scientist" or "when I was back in the lab" and cut out the science teaching altogether.

Sure, people often respect teachers for the hard work that goes into the field, but it's just not exciting or glamorous ... Not that working in a lab is glamorous either!

I don't really know why it is so easy for me to fall back on my experiences in the lab instead of gush about my time in the classroom. I mean, the lab was certainly not without its problems, yet, on a personal level, I just see myself as being a scientist much more than a teacher. I'm a science person, not necessarily a person that has a deep passion for being an educator and, while I never saw the "big picture" of my lab experiments come to fruition, I felt more accomplishment there than I currently do in the classroom.

I read in a National Association of Science Teachers mailing that a majority of science teachers (something like 80%) leave the field before they've hit their fifth year anniversary. At the rate I'm going, I'm wondering if I'll fall into that category ... I'm only at the beginning of year two! Yikes!

It's disheartening because, maybe three years ago, I was completely excited and optimistic about my prospects as a science teacher. I had these big ideas, these fun plans in my head, and I guess I'm just a little down over the fact that I haven't really gotten to use any of them. Sure, there are brief moments of exhilaration when I can tell that my students "get it," or when their excitement for a project becomes contagious ... It's just that those moments are so few and far between.

Teaching is a calling, plain and simple ...

I think my phone might be on the fritz.

Repetition

After booking our flights and planting our Colorado vacation firmly in reality, we let our families in on our plans. I was especially excited to tell my parents about our little adventure because I knew that they had honeymooned at a "dude ranch" in Colorado somewhere.

Imagine my surprise when they told me that their honeymoon ranch had actually been just outside of Estes Park!

I'm not sure how they came across the sleepy little town (they didn't have Internet search engines at their fingertips), but it was interesting to think they that had been there just over twenty-five years prior. Of all the hikes and locations to take in, they suggested that we see "Gem Lake."

A serene pool, hidden at the top of a mountain, the lake was crystal clear and cold and (like everything else) absolutely breathtaking.


My Dad has a nearly identical shot from when he made the hike himself. Apparently (or so the story goes) my Mom was "tired" that day and opted to stay behind at the ranch ...

Old Timer

Almost as magnificent as the mountains it is built upon, The Stanley Hotel was one of the reasons we chose Estes Park as our vacation destination.


The second-most haunted hotel in America (it has been visited multiple times by TAPS ghost hunters) and the location which inspired Stephen King's "The Shining," the internal and external atmosphere of the place did not disappoint.

While we didn't stay there, and opted for a quaint little river lodge instead, we did enjoy our "ghost tour" and, in addition to the rest of its surroundings, would love to visit it again someday.

Into the Woods

This next photo was taken during the tail end of our trip. We spent that particular day driving across the mountains and into the Colorado River Valley in search of moose and river otters ...

We didn't find either.

What we did find, however, were some very familiar-feeling paths that wound through tall trees and along grassy meadows. The "green-ness" of these trails was reminiscent of the metroparks that are nestled in among the urban areas of our home town ... And that flat, loping land made hiking more fun and less grueling (which was good at the end of our long, yet much too short, week).

The Ground Squirrel

During our first full day in Estes Park, my husband and I drove into the Rocky Mountain National Park for an "easy" hike. We stopped up at Bear Lake (shown in yesterday's photograph) and walked a nice, semi-paved trail around it. Being that it was October, the off season, we were practically alone ... Just us and nature.

As we rounded a bend, we saw this little guy mulling around in the pine needles:

Being a lover of all animals small and fat, I quickly snapped picture after picture and was astounded when it actually came closer (only a couple feet away) to investigate us.

It took all of my willpower not to scoop it up and stuff it in our backpack ...

Colorado Dreamin'

Last year at this time, my husband and I were enjoying the gorgeous mountains of Estes Park, Colorado. Planned on a whim during that previous spring, the trip took us farther west than either of us had ever been ... And served as an introduction to air travel for my husband.

In remembrance of that magical and beautiful week (it was just what I needed given my working circumstances last year), I've decided to post a photo each day to commemorate the vacation.

I wish we could have gone back this year!

Someday ...

Mrs. Meanie

In starting (and in naming) this blog, I wanted to keep the theme that my life is a constant series of lessons. Whether I'm teaching them in the classroom, or learning them from my everyday experiences, I am all too aware that seemingly mundane happenings have a huge impact on my life and, ultimately, who I am as a person.

I've touched upon this before in a previous post, but, today, I've finally accepted that, on a very basic level, I get a strange thrill out of being a goody-two-shoes and getting people in trouble ...

The occupation of "teacher" obviously involves some amount of being in charge and leading a classroom full of students along the path of knowledge ... And when those students choose to ignore the rules, consequences must follow. While I certainly don't enjoy confrontation and (many days) would much rather ignore the problems in my classroom than deal with them head-on, there is just something about having that power and authority that can be intoxicating.

For instance, today, I confiscated three cell phones from three students over the course of the day. At first, I was surprised that these kids actually listened to me and handed over their precious phones. Next, I was somewhat saddened by the dramatic reactions that each student displayed. Then, finally, after some thought, I realized that each student was breaking school rules and, therefore, they all deserved whatever consequences came from their actions. Upon processing that revelation, I became almost giddy ... So much so that, before leaving for the day, I happily announced my accomplishment and was promptly congratulated by my peers.

Teachers need to stick together, you know.

Later, as I recounted the story to my husband, he looked at me and said: "You know, you've always been a little like that. Finding pleasure in getting rule-breakers in trouble."

My first instinct was to stick up for myself and say,"No! I'm so much nicer than that!" but, the truth is, I'm really not ... My husband is absolutely, one hundred percent right: I do like getting rule-breakers in trouble!

I have a long history of it.

On one occasion during my late high school/early college years, I ratted out my own sister because she had her friends and their boyfriends spend the night while my parents were out of town. Yes, this caused my sister to despise me and seek revenge for many years, but never once did I regret it. I did the right thing. I told the truth. My parents deserved that much ... I deserved that much for being a good daughter for many, many years and following the rules!

So, call me Mrs. Meanie from now on ... I can take it. I think I'm finally coming to terms with my goody-goody nature and actually embracing it. It's funny that I come home some days and wonder why I ever decided to be a teacher, and others I get the eerie realization that maybe it's a much better fit that I think it is.

Maybe my student from last year (we'll call him Casper) was right.

Subconsciously, I became a teacher so that I could write detentions.

Picture Day

Today was picture day at my school and I feel like I have worked a full week (rather than a single day).

While it was nice not having to remind students to tuck in their shirts, or take off their big, dangly earrings, or put on their "school appropriate" footwear, the change from uniforms to personally chosen attire turned both their energy and noise levels up a few notches. Being a science-minded individual, I don't want to jump to conclusions and declare a mere correlation to be a causal relationship ... But I don't think I can take another school-wide dress down/up day!

So much for repeating the data ...

High School Lessons (#2)

If any other high school science teachers out there stumble upon this blog, this post is for you.

(You can thank me later ...)

Lesson #2: Tenth graders LOVE Bill Nye the Science Guy

Being that today is Friday, and we were basically wrapping up our latest chapter in preparation for a test next week anyway, I found a Bill Nye video at the library and decided to use it in class today. Not only would it take up 26 minutes out of my 50 minute period, it would change things up a bit ... My students have been doing a lot of "independent study" lately, which is basically just them reading at their seats and filling in answers on a worksheet.

I have only used a Bill Nye video once at my previous school and, for some unfathomable reason, the age group it targeted (middle school kids) seemed to think it was "dumb" and "stupid." Let's just say that is most definitely not the case with high-schoolers ...

From the second I announced that we'd be watching a video, I was bombarded with: "Is it Bill Nye the Science Guy?!"

This surprised me a little bit (I know that I've always liked Bill Nye but I had no idea he had a teen aged following), but the response to my answer of "yes" was even more unexpected. The cheer that erupted from the room was so loud, you would have thought that I had just given the entire class the next week off! And then, when the video started, all was quiet ... That is, until the theme song started up. There was bopping in the seats, shouts of "Bill! Bill!" in time with the music, and genuine giddiness and laughter as the video progressed. It's almost hard to imagine a student in this age group laughing at something that isn't filled with sexual innuendo, but they were.

They were loving it.

The act of watching this particular video sort of stripped away some of their "I'm-too-cool-for-everything" layers and they began acting like the kids they truly are underneath all those walls and reputations ... It was nice to look around the room and see them entranced by the video, heads propped up on elbows, eyes focused on the TV. It was nice to see kids filling my classroom, not mini-adults as they often pretend to be.

But, ultimately, it was nice to have a little reminder (after a long week) as to why I really do like working with this often volatile, always unpredictable age group.

The Warrior

I was all set to compose a long, rant of a post about why high school students don't really need cell phones (and the drama that inevitably comes with them), when I sat down at the computer and found my husband's notebook laying out ... He is currently taking an online Introductory Education course, a requirement for his degree of choice.

On the top page, written neatly in his cursive handwriting, was a brief note about someone named "Ruby Payne." Having gone through an education curriculum myself as I prepared to become a teacher a couple years ago, I was surprised that I had never heard of her.

Apparently, she said:

"People in poverty have three driving forces: relationships, entertainment, and survival."

Although I'm not teaching at an inner-city school anymore, I am still dealing with a lot of students who live at or near the poverty level, so this statement rings incredibly true for me. If I had to think about it, and categorize all of my day-to-day complaints, they probably would fall under one of those three forces.

Relationships. My students feel the need to talk (or communicate ... Hence the postponed rant about cell phones) to each other constantly. In the halls or during class, to other students or teachers like me, it really doesn't make much difference ... If someone is in earshot of them, they will make their voices heard! While talking about science is always welcome in my classroom, these kids aren't interested in that. They want gossip, stories from friends, or just that personal connection to another human being. I even have a student that, instead of sitting in his seat during study hall, gradually wanders out toward the doorway, presumably to chat with any of his buddies that happen to pass by during that fifty minute period.

Entertainment. Each day, at least one student will ask me: "Are we doing something fun today?" They want to be entertained. Unfortunately for them, our definitions of "fun" are quite often very different ... And they end up bored instead. These kids can't sit still for five, let alone fifty, minutes at a time, so they demand a good performance if they are going to behave like decent human beings. Even though I'm no stranger to the stage (I'm a drama geek through and through), I'm not exactly used to turning flips and using funny voices to keep their attention. It's, sadly, not uncommon to "lose them" to talking (see Relationships) every now and then. I'm pretty adaptable, so I've found that visual things (like demonstrations, hand gestures, my pacing around the room like a caged tiger) tend to hold their attention more than if I just speak to them from the front of the class. One of these days I should throw myself across the floor to keep things interesting ...

Survival. As much as it pains me to say it, many of my students do not care about science (or school for that matter). It just doesn't apply to them. It doesn't hold any value ... They don't think they are going to college, anyway. Students are simply there in their seats because they have to be. They don't participate. They don't review or study. Rather than try to excel (or, oftentimes, just try), they simply get through the day with as little effort as possible, so that they can go home and move on with their lives. This perceived misuse of their time and talent breeds apathy, and apathy often results in missing work ... Even work that is done together during class somehow fails to reach my desk.

Thanks to Ms. Payne, I have a better understanding as to why my students do the things they do. On some level, they can't help it. It is a part of who they are ... But that doesn't make things any less troubling.

Being a teacher and trying to inspire a generation of kids that think completely differently than yourself is, at best, an uphill battle. Some days I am up to the challenge ... Others, I just don't think that I'm strong enough to even make a dent in the front lines.

Fruits of Fall

This weekend, my husband and I spent the afternoon at a local apple orchard for its annual "Johnny Appleseed Festival." Both of us have always loved the fall season and everything that it brings, so little "excuses" to go out (like this festival) are a welcome thing for self-proclaimed homebodies like us.

It didn't hurt that it was an absolutely gorgeous day ... Blue sky, bright sun, crisp autumn air ... All the things that fall should be.

Anyway, as we spent our time wandering through the outdoor crafting booths, sampling food, and picking some fresh apples (like the ones shown above ... yum!) to take home, we couldn't help but muse over how nice it would be to do something like this "as a family" one day.

Yes, we are our own little family (complete with two, lazy cats), but it was all too easy to smile and nudge each other as we watched the little glimpses of our would-be future unfold around us ... Young couples pushing strollers, fathers escorting their pig-tailed daughters through hay mazes, mothers chasing their wobbly-legged toddlers as they took off down the hillside ...

I don't think I'm the only one thinking about babies now.

(I knew he'd come around!)

High School Lessons (#1)

I've been back at school for a full month, and I've been meaning to post a new "lesson" for some time now. Unfortunately, inspiration (and a moment to myself and my thoughts) has been in short supply.

In thinking of something to get this particular type of post started again, one exchange between myself and an Earth Science student stuck out in my mind.

Lesson #1: The more things change, the more they stay the same

While helping students with group work one day, a student (out of the blue) looked at me and said: "You think we're crazy, don't you?"

Puzzled, I walked over to her. "Why would you say that?" I asked.

"You just have this look on your face sometimes," she replied with a shrug.

This got me to thinking. First of all, it's not a good thing that my face has already given my thoughts away, and second, I find my students and their odd behaviors to be amusing rather than crazy ... Most of the time, anyway.

I guess it's just that these kids (all too often) remind me of me and my high school experience. Even though it's just over ten years from the time that I was in their position, things are almost exactly the same as I remember them. While the high school isn't composed of all-girls (as I was used to), the similarities are staggering.

I see the same cliques ... The smart kids, the slackers, the sports stars, the drama geeks , the musicians, the popular crowd ... There are the same complaints about uniforms, the distance between classes and lockers, the food being served for lunch, the length of the school day, and the amount of homework that is being assigned. There are the same clubs and activities, and there is a buzz of excitement at the mention of school dances. I've even noticed that there are the same types of teachers ... The strict ones, the goofy ones, the understanding ones, the scary ones, and even the ones that don't seem to "get it."

Yes, many of the dynamics that I remember are alive and well, only I'm looking at them from the opposite direction. On one hand, I feel extremely tired and just plain old being around these teenagers. On the other, the end of the day causes my own high school memories to come flooding back ...

And, if I turned out to be a well-adjusted, productive adult, there is hope for each one of my students!

Insert Evil Laughter Here

Today was a big day in my life as a teacher ...

I wrote out my first disciplinary referrals at my new school!

When you have two students using your markers as flying weapons of death, the decision is practically made for you ... In fact, sometimes, in the dull existence of an educator, that is just the thing to really get your day going.

I guess (on some level) I must enjoy it, because, at my previous school, I actually had a student tell me that the only reason I became a teacher was so that I could "give him detentions."

Well, no, not exactly ... But that thought really is an interesting one, isn't it?

The Occassional Gardener

During the summer, I would go so far as to say that I hate (hate hate) working in the garden.

The following are among my list of complaints:

• It's too hot and I hate sweating.
• I don't want other people to see me squatting down or bending over in my "work shorts" (which may or may not be a little too short).
• The dirt gets in my fingernails (which really aren't that long to begin with) and remains there all day no matter how many times I wash my hands.
• There are bees and other bugs that dive-bomb me.
• It's a pain to keep unwinding and winding the hose, and attaching and detaching the sprinkler.
• The next door neighbor's cat often leaves little poopy "presents" for me, that I loathe cleaning up ... It's not my cat!
• The plants always look dead anyway (I wonder why!?) so I don't ever feel like I've accomplished anything.

While I could go on and on and really mean each one of them, all of these things seem to change the moment September rolls around. For some reason, after that point, all I want to do is dedicate my time to gardening. For instance, last weekend I planted flowers ... Perennials, new and old, were split, plucked, moved, and replanted throughout my front and back yards. Then, last night, I actually took the initiative and mowed the front yard, something I usually pawn off on my husband.

I don't know what it is about the fall ...

Maybe it's because the summer heat is fading and everything, for once, looks green and healthy and vibrant. Maybe it's because I like the idea of having a "fresh start," a time each year where the problems of the past are erased and whatever I do now can actually impact next year's appearance. Maybe it's because I want an excuse from grading papers.

Whatever it is, I wish I had this type of motivation all year round!

Playing Favorites

Students just love to tell you that you are their all-time favorite teacher. While this sentiment does make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, I have learned to take it with a grain of salt.

Case in point:

As I was circulating around the room today, helping students with the independent study assignment (basically reading the chapter and answering questions on a worksheet) that they were working on, one of the boys waved me over with a question.

After we solved his problem, he smiled up at me and said, "You know? You are my favorite teacher this year."

Thanking him (and reminding him to keep working ... Flattery does not exempt you from finishing the classwork assignment), I turned to go on with my circulating when I heard a friend of his whisper, "That's what you said to Miss P. in English last period."

At least I'm in the top two. :)

Stratocumulus

You know that fall is absolutely around the corner when you wake up to gray skies and rain and leave work to blue skies and sun.

I could sit around and look at the clouds all day ... Besides, it's good practice for when I need to teach this stuff to my Earth Science students.

Getting Older

My students have gotten over their "first week jitters" and are now more comfortable with talking to me. Before one of my classes began yesterday, one of my girls was curious as to how old I was.

"How old do you think I am?" I asked, instead of giving up the goods.

It's always interesting to play this little game. Sometimes you're pleasantly surprised by what a teenager thinks ... Other times, not so much ...

She looked at me, wrinkled her button nose, and thought for a minute. "I'd say you're about twenty," was her eventual reply.

Twenty! :)

I was still in college at twenty.

I doubt she really took the time to do the math ... But it made my day nonetheless!

(Especially since I'll be turning twenty-six tomorrow.)

Balancing Act

I find that, as a teacher, I must walk a fine line between being either a "friend" or an "authority figure" to my students. No matter how hard I try, it seems that one designation wins out over the other and, ultimately, complicates the year.

During my first year of teaching (with 5-8th graders) I fell into playing the "friend" role and was promptly squashed. I found that, in my urban situation, it just didn't work for the younger kids. They just didn't seem to understand the concept of getting respect by giving respect ... They expected to be treated fairly with no regard for how they treated me. Which, to their credit, was probably a familiar way of life to them ... I can only imagine how things were run at home. So, I resigned to let the year be as it was and I told myself that when I found a new job and got a fresh start, I would begin from scratch and make sure that I demanded the respect of my students ... Even if it meant that I had to be "unfriendly" sometimes.

Ha! Let's just say that's much easier said than done ...

Within the first two days of school this year, I had a student (we'll call her *Natasha) tell me that I was her favorite teacher ... Within two days! Natasha is in my final and largest class of the day, an Earth Science class. By seventh period, these students are bursting at the seams, ready to go home and begin their afternoon of freedom ... So, although their behavior is an improvement from the horrors of last year, they are far from "good" for the entire fifty minutes. Natasha is definitely among the talkers, but she follows directions when I ask and genuinely seems to want to do well in my class and hold up her end of the "respect bargain."

Then, there is *Katie from my earlier Earth Science class. She gives me "high fives" in the hallway and talks to me about her "crazy Polish family" during study hall. She, unlike Natasha, listens in class and just seems to want that closer connection, which is fair, since she is part of a small school environment. Who am I to deny her that?

I have always felt that being a teacher requires knowing your students and their individual needs and forming some sort of bond with them ... And my favorite teachers were the ones who did just that ...

Even so, I am tormented by the fact that I've begun to squander my "fresh start." I can see it slowly slipping through my fingers. I'm quickly taking on that "friend" role and becoming the teacher that everyone likes ... Which can be fine, but, do they respect me? It really only takes a couple occasions to establish that authority role, to show them that you are serious and mean business ... So my year is not too far gone if I wish to change the way my classroom is run.

It is just so incredibly hard to strike that balance!

(Again, names have been changed ... and will continue to be ... so that a mere google search will not unveil my secret identity)

Mid-week Exhaustion

I was looking through my photos from the summer the other day and I came across the album I put together after my husband and I spent a day at the local zoo.

This one seems to sum up how I'm feeling right about now:


That little creature is a rock hyrax (evolutionary cousin of the elephant, if you can believe it). Much like myself after a full day of teaching, it has collapsed in its tracks, completely tired and dehydrated from the heat of the afternoon.

I can't wait for "fall weather" to finally head our way. Days that reach upwards of 85 degrees in the beginning of September are no picnic ... Especially in a stuffy, non-air conditioned classroom where air flow is nonexistent.

Confirmation

I've been teaching at my school for one whole week.

The house is a mess. The bathroom sink is littered with random toiletries, toothpaste crust, hair from my head and from our cats, and is in dire need of a good scrubbing. Dirty clothes are stacking up, spilling over the sides of our upstairs laundry basket like something out of "The Blob." The master bedroom is a mess, the bed is often unmade and clean clothes are stacked at the foot of the bed and on top of our respective dressers (why they are not inside the drawers, I couldn't tell you). The living room is disheveled and the daily newspapers are creating quite a pile on our coffee table. Place mats from our dinners in front of the TV haven't been put away. The dining room table is unusable. There is more crap on there than I'd like to reveal. The kitchen (like the bathroom) is in need of a good scrubbing. There are dirty dishes in the sink, and clean ones on the counter. The white tile floor isn't so white anymore ...

I am incredibly tired. I find myself falling into bed at 9:00 pm and still not getting enough sleep. Waking at 6:15 is nothing like I have ever done (consistently) before. I can barely make it into the shower and the cold water still doesn't jostle my sleepy mind into alertness. God help me when I begin bearing children!

Quality time with my husband has become limited. I am preoccupied with getting things done for school, and he has started his next semester of course work at the community college. He jokes that we are mere "roomies" instead of a real married couple. I'm embarrassed that there's a lot of truth to that.

The point of all this?

Despite the fact that my world is just bursting at the seams ... In need of some real attention ... I am a million times happier, and more at ease today, than I was last year at this time.

Thank God for small miracles!

(And, hang in there, Love, we have a long weekend coming up!)

Three Days

So, I have been teaching my my new school for three whole days.

While it feels like three whole years (it is absolutely crazy how time passes inside of a school building), I actually find myself having some really positive things to say! But, then again, in comparison to the atrocity that was my first year, I don't think it is physically possible for another school to reach that level of bad.

This year, instead of going nonstop from 8:20 until 2:45, I am teaching two science classes (Physical Science and Earth Science) with two sections each and monitoring a study hall filled with a whopping three students. That's five class periods for those of you doing the math ... Five class periods out of a seven-class day! That means I have two planning periods where I can diligently plan ahead for the upcoming weeks, or kick back and enjoy the moment (as has been the case the past couple of days). Who would have guessed that normal teaching jobs actually include some down time!?

Also, as I mentioned a couple of posts back, all of my fellow teachers and administrators are absolutely great to work with. No one is domineering or scary, and, most importantly, I am able to do my job with very little interruption or unnecessary scrutiny. In the two or so times that the principal has come into my classes to make sure all is well, she has not made me feel like a child. If anything, she is more concerned over my needs than she has to be: Always asking how things are going and/or if I need anything. Instead of making me frustrated, this leaves me feeling supported ... And valuable.

But, probably most amazingly, the kids have been very well-behaved and cooperative. It was actually sort of unnerving on the first day when I was going over the class rules and noticed, to my complete shock, that I had eyes on me. Just about every kid in the room was looking at me ... It made me feel a bit paranoid ... Was there something in my teeth? Did I have toilet paper trailing from the back of my pants or something? Was my fly down!? Nope, they were just actually listening ... You could have heard a cricket in the room, they were so quiet. Being that I'm much more used to shouting over multiple conversations and seeing the backs of heads (certainly not the fronts), I was almost at a loss for what to do. Let's hope it continues!

Overall, I'm just happy that my leap of faith (and holding out and vowing not to go back to my previous school) actually paid off. Thank you to those of you that encouraged me and kept me going during my summer of solitude! :)

Too Early

It is unprecidented that I'm actually sitting at this computer before 10:00 am ... Let alone composing a blog post!

Today is my first day of class as a high school science teacher and I wanted to make sure I gave myself plenty of time to get ready, eat breakfast, and then arrive at school. Well, mission accomplished. I probably could have slept for an extra twenty minutes!

Things are shaping up to be a little bit crazy. We teachers have not received our class lists and students' names yet, and the students have not received their schedules. Luckily, I don't have a first period class to worry about, and my new science tables showed up (and were assembled) yesterday ... Both good things because I would be running around like a crazy person, and have kids sitting on the floor!

I'm definitely not as anxious as this year begins (last year I was physically sick just about every morning from mid-August to December), but I did just eat a moldy peice of blueberry crumb cake ... That might indicate that something is not quite right with my frame of mind.

Or I'm just still really tired.

Psychology 101

This past weekend, I spent a little bit of time with my parents and some of their college friends. Since their graduations in the early eighties, this group has gotten together at least once a year to kick back and basically have a good time. Over the years, their friendships evolved into something closer, something more family-like, so my siblings and I consider these friends to be more like extended family ... Aunts and uncles, if you will.

Anyway, before everyone started preparing to go home, a conversation was held that revolved around my middle sister. Phrases like "her smile lights up a room" and "she's a beautiful girl, absolutely stunning" were flying left and right.

This got me to thinking ... What about me??

I'm perfectly happy with who I am as a person, but I started to wonder: Is my self-perception directly related to hearing statements like the ones listed above? Do I, currently, see myself as being quite average physically because no one ever complimented me on my smile or stunning beauty?

Thinking back, I don't think I was ever referred to as "pretty" when I was growing up (at least not excessively). I was skinny, freckled (as I have mentioned before), bespectacled, and something of a tomboy. My hair was always on the shorter side, certainly not long and flowing like the sister in question. I didn't care, though, I had it in my head that I was pretty anyway and, even better, I was smart. That word, smart, would probably be the one I'd throw out there if a psychologist asked me to pick a word to describe myself ... Pretty would be at the end of the list ... But I'd also venture a guess that that's what I heard the most of growing up:

"Look at Emily, lost in that book. She's such a smart girl."

"Ask Em. I'm sure she'd know the answer to that."

"Emily is getting straight A's again this quarter."

You get the idea.

Most compliments from my parents and/or other adults revolved around my brain. While that's just fine ... I like being perceived as smart ... I find it very interesting that it's carried over and embedded itself into my thinking. When with my sisters, I never feel like the "pretty one." I'm a little more self conscious and end up secretly wishing I had cooler, more trendy clothes and/or accessories and a better hair cut. I'm just Emily, the frumpy (but very smart) one. In fact, I think I only truly feel pretty when I'm away from my family ... When it's just my husband and me, or us and his family. He says I'm pretty, beautiful even, and he's seen my sisters. It's enough to give a girl an ego.

Very weird.

I'm not quite sure of my reason for this post ... The conversation this past weekend just jumped out at me and felt very blog-worthy. I like to think that I'm so independent and completely immune to what others say or think about me, but that really can't be farther from the truth. If my self-perception has been molded (unwittingly) by my parents and the other adults around me as I was growing up, I've really got to be careful when I get a couple kids of my own.

I want them all to be pretty or smart or athletic or sociable or whatever it is they want to be ... Even if they end up with freckles and glasses and a mouthful of braces.

The Blame Game

During one of my many weekend internet putzing sessions, I came across this article.

Not only was I horrified to read that an eighth grader was killed simply for being gay (sadly, this is a tragedy that is becoming all-too-common), I was also completely and utterly confused at his parents' reactions.

Instead of directing their anger and frustration at the child that killed their son, they are focusing their attention squarely on the school district (and its administration and teachers) for not enforcing the dress code. They are blaming them for not doing something when their child showed up to school in feminine clothing and make-up.

Wait ... What?

Why is this the school's responsibility?

Why couldn't these parents take a moment each morning to make sure their son didn't leave the house in something overtly feminine? Why couldn't they enforce that he wait until after school to apply whatever make-up he enjoyed wearing?

As a teacher, it boggles my mind that, whenever anything goes wrong between the hours of 8:00 am and 3:00 pm, I am automatically to blame. Violence and school shootings aside (I believe that precautions need to be taken before something terrible happens), I'll certainly take credit where credit is due ... For the good or the bad. Unfortunately, it seems like, more and more, teachers are on the receiving end of excessive fingerpointing. That's not to say that some don't deserve it ... There are definitely some nasty educators out there ... But this trend of "when in doubt, blame a teacher" is very troublesome. Teachers are no longer being seen as authority figures or people to be respected (by their students, and, often, by their parents, as well). Instead, they are quickly evolving into scapegoats.

Let me tell you, it's hard enough to teach pre-teens and teenagers about the wonders of science, let alone lecture them in taking responsibility for their actions (or lack thereof) when their parents haven't yet mastered the concept. The things I do in a classroom will only go so far if there isn't any reinforcement at home ...

The parents in this article are obviously hurting, going through something so agonizing and unwarranted, and I certainly feel for them. I just wish that they could take a step back from their current position and think about how they (personally) could have aided in the situation. If they knew that their child had certain tendencies and vulnerabilities, why didn't they do something about it? Isn't that a parent's "job?"

Why is it automatically the school's issue, while they, too, sat back and did nothing?

Maybe I will never fully understand.

Serenity Now

With my new school year quickly approaching, I feel like I hardly have the time to stop and take a breath. Perpetually in motion, I'm rushing around to get my room ready, assemble my students' supplies, and just orient myself to the school and all the people in it.

This photo was taken during my in-law's vacation extravaganza last week, yet it feels like forever ago.

It's funny how time can move at a snail's pace, then quickly accelerate to something much faster. Hopefully, by posting this photograph here, it will remind me (and you?) that we all need to take a moment to just breathe every now and again ... To just be and enjoy all the simple things that can be so easily missed.

The Newbie

Thankfully, I've never had the burden of being the "new kid" at school.

No matter what school I attended ... Be it elementary/middle school, high school, or college ... I enrolled and then completed each span of learning without incidence. I was never transferred or otherwise removed from the people that I had grown accustomed to being with. I wasn't plopped into an entirely new educational situation, not knowing a soul, while everyone else had had the time to develop lasting bonds of friendship before I'd arrived.

I have taken enough jobs in my life to know that there is always an entry period of learning the ropes and making acquaintances, yet it seems so much stronger in a school setting. As my first week at my new school comes to a close, I am trying to shake off that "new kid" feeling. About half of the teachers at the school were around for its inaugural year (last year) and have obviously built bonds through their shared struggles and triumphs. The rest of the faculty, the other "new kids," came on weeks, if not months ago. I was tacked on to the roster just this week, the newest new employee of all, and it's very hard to shake that nagging feeling that I'm the odd man (woman) out.

Am I being annoying?

Am I asking too many questions?

Am I trying too hard and talking too much?

Am I coming across as stiff or awkward? Standoffish or stuck-up?

While I am, technically, in high school again, I feel like I'm back in high school.

Deep down, I'm the same awkward girl who could blend in with the athletes, the drama geeks, the honor students, and even (surprisingly, at times) the cool kids ... If I could do it as a freckled, brace-faced, glasses-wearing late bloomer, I can do it now (as a freckled, straight-toothed, contact-wearing twenty-something).

I guess the real issue is going to be getting the students to like me ...

Back in Business

During my week of absence, I not only relaxed heartily during my family's vacation ... I also accepted a job at a nearby charter school.

Yes, that's right, I am no longer unemployed and aimlessly wandering around my house!

While this isn't the job that I had dreamed of early this spring, it is a high school position, and I believe it will allow me to improve upon my current teaching skills. The school is just starting out (it only has ninth and tenth grades), but the administration and the group of teachers that I will be working with, are full of positive attitude and wonderful ideas. I'm thoroughly enjoying the fact that I'm no longer the only science teacher, and that I have another individual to bounce issues, concerns, and ideas off of.

More will be coming on this, but right now I'm still reeling from the realization that I'll have somewhere to be every weekday ...

And scrambling to put some lesson plans together!

Taking Inventory

I just looked back and realized that I've been blogging since the middle of March ... How crazy!

Even after all those months, I'm still not quite sure that I have "the hang of it" yet. I mean, part of me bemoans the lack of comments and wonders if I'm just that boring or inconsequential that no one feels compelled to respond. Then, the other part of me writes each blog entry and thinks: "Gosh, I hope that no one reads this!" It's like I want the recognition and the validation that what I'm doing is making some sort of difference, but I also want to fly under the radar.

I guess, you can't really have it both ways.

Anyway, to those of you that do routinely read my ramblings, thanks for sticking around! My sitemeter actually shows me that some of you come back ... On a consistent basis (!?), no less ... So I must be doing something right.

Hopefully, once (if?) I land a job for the fall, and get back into the swing of teaching, I'll have more stories and worthwhile anecdotes to share. Right now, the wells are pretty much dried up and I'm chugging along without much inspiration, but I do enjoy the challenge and coming up with something every now and again. I'll be gone all next week with the in-laws, so maybe I can accumulate some material there ...

Rise and SHINE!

Why is it so hard to find a good (insert choice word here) these days?

I have heard that statement ring true for many things over the years: a man, a pair of jeans, a television sitcom, a steak, a job ... But, right now, the good thing that I'm looking for is a dual alarm clock.

My husband and I have been using his old alarm clock since we got married, and he used it for many years before that. It is obviously a hand-me-down, and it has seen better days ... But it works. You can't fault it for working. However, with us both waking up at different times on weekday mornings, it just makes sense to "update" and get something that will only have to be set once, rather than pressing our luck each morning as the alarm is groggily set for the second, and third (my husband has a weird morning routine) time.

The main problem here is not the clock itself, or even the features that the clock must have to be considered a good purchase. We are easy with that. The problem comes in the display itself ... No, too big or too small is not an issue either (I can't see anything that's more than in inch in front of my face without my glasses, anyway) ... The problem is the brightness with which the numbers are illuminated.

I have found, in all my years of alarm clock using, that red numbers are the only way to go. Green numbers are like having a neon sign next to your head and blue numbers are like the reflected rays of the sun as they would appear under an inch of crystal Caribbean water.

So, why on earth would I agree to getting a blue-numbered alarm clock?

"It has a dimmer feature," he said. "It should be just fine," he assured me.

Not so much.

Even with the dimmer turned on, half of our bedroom was lit up like the streets of Las Vegas! We actually had to cover the thing up in order to get to sleep ... It was seriously that bright. What kind of light bulbs are in these things, anyway?

Maybe I'll have to just break down and buy the red-numbered clock I saw online and shell out the $5 shipping cost. Yes, it will be more than if I just purchased it in the store (where it seemingly does not exist), but if we must update to a dual alarm, it might as well be something that we can live with.