The High Road

For those that know me fairly well, there are two facets to my personality:

1. On one hand, I can be very friendly, loyal, and kindhearted.
2. On the other, I can be sarcastic, mean-spirited, and prone to gossip.

It's almost as if there's still a little bit of teenage girl trapped inside of me, willing to partake in drama just for the sake of doing so ... Even though, at twenty-six, I'm well aware that it's not becoming or attractive in any way.

While I always say I'm going to stop being so juvenile, I never really go around to making good on my own internal promises.

Until recently.

I feel like I'm growing up or something.

This past Sunday was my sister-in-law's baby shower. This meant, not only ogling over all the cute baby things, but also spending some time with my extended family members ... From both the in-law and the other-in-law sides of my family. Usually, I'd just steer clear of the other-in-laws for the sake of my own comfort and sanity, but something compelled me to be a little different this time around.

Just recently, I "friended" and have spoken to, my brother-in-law's older sister through the magic of Facebook. As it turns out, we have a few things in common ... One of them being the same confused feelings over being happy for the parents-to-be, yet sad that we are not the ones who are pregnant in the first place. On the surface, it's a great comfort to know that someone else feels exactly as I do ... It's also nice to think that these conversations might change things (for the better) as the family grows and expands ... And we inevitably spend more time together.

She's a nice girl.

While, one-on-one, it is so easy for me to declare the truth and steer clear of my gossiping ways, I fall into trouble when I'm in the presence of some of my husband's other relatives, namely, a group of his female cousins. Again, one-on-one, these girls are wonderful (beautiful inside and out), but put them together and they produce a virtual black hole that encompasses anyone or anything within a ten foot radius of themselves ... Positivity slips through and is gone forever. It's inside of this black hole that they let their inner teenagers loose to mock and tease the same other-in-laws that I am now growing to like.

They make comments like "big nose" or "buck-toothed." They complain about their fashion choices or any mannerisms that they may happen to witness. They make the conscious choice not to like these people, for no other reason than because they can.

On any other day I'd jump right in and laugh along with them ... But not this time.

For once, I took the high road.

Instead of adding to their conversations, adding fuel to their fire, I ignored them when they got negative. I left the table (with the guise of getting some food or refreshments) and went over to greet my other-in-laws and see what was happening on their end. In short, I said I'd make a change in my behavior ... And I actually followed through. I was the friendly, kindhearted person that I know I can be.

For once, I didn't fall in to the black hole. It was wonderful.

"Geez," I said at one point when the cousins were getting out of hand. "I'm glad that you like me, because I'd hate to hear what you say about me when I'm not around!"

While I'm still in possession of the two personality traits that I listed, I really do feel like I'm taking a different path from here on out. I may slip or struggle every now and then, but I can always look back at the feeling of joy from acting respectable. I know that, deep down, I'm not a bad person ... But if I produce a pattern of negative behaviors, how would a stranger know that?

It's time I start (consistently) acting my age.

As they say, actions speak louder than words ...