Identity Crisis

For some reason, even though I've been teaching for over a year now, I often have a hard time describing myself as a teacher.

Maybe it's the fact that I'm very limited in terms of what or how I can teach my content area (due to both a lack of materials and a lack of cooperation by my students), or that I'm not really loving the occupation as a whole (not to sound whiny, but, except for the summers, teaching is a lot of work!). Maybe it's the little nuances like administering student assessments, or writing discipline referrals, or educating myself and honoring Individualized Education Plans, or dealing with other accommodations in the classroom. Maybe it's the various education movements that seemingly put all the power in the students' hands, or the disjointed nature of things that won't allow me to truly plan for anything. Whatever the case, there are many things about teaching that I just don't want to deal with.

Seriously, why can't I just show up each day and teach?

Why do there have to be a million distractions hitting me from every angle, constantly distorting my focus?

On most days, upon meeting new people or seeing old friends from long ago, I'd much rather sit back and talk about my time in the research field. I'd almost rather refer to my past profession and say "when I was a scientist" or "when I was back in the lab" and cut out the science teaching altogether.

Sure, people often respect teachers for the hard work that goes into the field, but it's just not exciting or glamorous ... Not that working in a lab is glamorous either!

I don't really know why it is so easy for me to fall back on my experiences in the lab instead of gush about my time in the classroom. I mean, the lab was certainly not without its problems, yet, on a personal level, I just see myself as being a scientist much more than a teacher. I'm a science person, not necessarily a person that has a deep passion for being an educator and, while I never saw the "big picture" of my lab experiments come to fruition, I felt more accomplishment there than I currently do in the classroom.

I read in a National Association of Science Teachers mailing that a majority of science teachers (something like 80%) leave the field before they've hit their fifth year anniversary. At the rate I'm going, I'm wondering if I'll fall into that category ... I'm only at the beginning of year two! Yikes!

It's disheartening because, maybe three years ago, I was completely excited and optimistic about my prospects as a science teacher. I had these big ideas, these fun plans in my head, and I guess I'm just a little down over the fact that I haven't really gotten to use any of them. Sure, there are brief moments of exhilaration when I can tell that my students "get it," or when their excitement for a project becomes contagious ... It's just that those moments are so few and far between.

Teaching is a calling, plain and simple ...

I think my phone might be on the fritz.