Discouraged

"You are really, really patient," a student commented to me yesterday. "I don't think I'd be able to do what you do!"

Yes, I am an incredibly patient person ... But there are limits to how long said patience will last. Like every other person, I get antsy and annoyed with a lack of progress. My patience wears thin if I feel like it's just not worth it anymore.

Lately, my patience is waning ...

Many of my students, despite the "new beginning" of the third quarter, have seemed to stop caring. They make it very clear that they have better things to be doing during my fifty minutes class ... They sidetrack themselves with naps, overall lethargy, conversations with those around them, or notes to friends. They barely participate and, when they do, there is a decidedly small amount of effort going into their performances.

So, the question remains: If they don't care, why should I?

I take the extra time to plan lessons that (I think) will be fun, yet still have educational value. I try to maintain an upbeat attitude, even in the face of blatant disrespect. I try to see the silver lining in every class ... Maybe someone finally got the concept. Maybe a student is proud of her achievements with physics formulas. Maybe a trouble-maker was quiet for just one day ... Yet, I'm left feeling overwhelmingly discouraged.

It just occurred to me (probably because I've written it down), that within the word "discouraged" is hidden another, much more important word: courage.

I must find the courage to muddle on.

I must continue to give my all when those students around me are giving far less than their best. I must take heart that I am a good teacher, despite what my students' grades may reflect. I must be brave and put on a happy face when all I want to do is scream and cry.

I guess I realize that, deep down, this job that I do ... Teaching ... Is worth it.

At least that's what I keep telling myself.