Overworked and Undermined

Today was the last day of school ... My last day as a first year teacher.

In celebration of that fact, I would love to post about how I learned and grew so much ... Which, I'm sure, I did. Instead, however, I will be ranting about how things came full circle. How the tired, worn habits of my principal left me feeling unaccomplished (and like one of my sixth graders) when I should have been celebrating.

Hold on to your hats!

Let me just begin by saying that my principal is a nun.

Yes, my inner city school just happens to be a private, Catholic institution that accepts vouchers from the city instead of tuition from the parents. Catholic or not, the school is pretty typical and encounters problems similar to those of the public schools in the area ... Money is tight and good behavior is in short supply.

I have learned to live with and love the kids and I now realize that their erratic behavior is a mirror of their erratic and hectic home lives. I have also learned that Sister does not bend or flex for anyone. She doesn't let up, not even on the very last day of school.

When I started my year, Sister always came across as very curt and condescending. She has a strong personality, to say the least, and she likes things done "her way." So, as you can probably imagine, no matter what I did during that first week, I was (inevitably) wrong. I was reprimanded from the doorway as I taught a class for speaking too "loudly." I was embarrassed in front of the entire school during mass one morning, when Sister approached me for sitting by the wrong aisle and beckoned me to follow her to the correct seat! I was told to arrange my desks differently, to pass out papers differently, and to address the students differently. Being new, I tried to take all of these "suggestions" in stride and use the criticism constructively. I tried to learn from Sister's unique management style and essentially expect it from her. I tried to push away the feelings of incompetence and self-consciousness and just do my job ...

Fast forward nine months to this week.

I am a school-year wiser, and a school-year more experienced. I am more in tune to my students and have a better understanding as to how to get them motivated. In this instance, motivation for cleaning and preparing the room for summer came by way of a movie and ice-cream party ... If we could get all of Sister's cleaning tasks completed (which there were many, an entire page's worth to be exact) we would watch a movie and eat some ice-cream on the last day of school.

Armed with the list Sister gave to each homeroom teacher, I set about making a plan of attack. Coming from a scientific research background, I made sure to budget my time and put certain tasks in sequence for ultimate effectiveness. I gave each student jobs to perform and supplied them with rags, buckets, and cleaning solution.

Unfortunately, Sister's plan did not coincide with mine.

At about 10:00 this morning (the last day of school, mind you), she entered my room, approached me, and whispered, "What are you doing?"

"We're cleaning the room," I replied numbly, knowing where this was headed. She must have visited my room a dozen times this past week alone to tell me how to do my job and change around the schedule that I thought was more than appropriate.

"You shouldn't be cleaning the room until after morning break. You should be teaching lessons now."

For once, I think my students and I felt exactly the same way ... Frustrated and confused.

Morning break was only fifteen minutes away! And, besides, we were working! We were doing a good job! Why was Sister insisting on making us stop and look at a "Say No to Drugs" coloring book made for first graders? Couldn't she see that things were under control?

I honestly can't imagine that anyone else had as much of a problem as I did this week. Things got done, the kids were under control the entire time, but somehow that wasn't good enough. It wasn't "her way" or in "her order" and therefore it was wrong.

As a teacher I am used to improvising and changing things up at a moment's notice, but this was ridiculous! I've never felt so stupid in all of my life. Why was she lurking outside of my classroom anyhow? What satisfaction does she get from telling me what to do in front of thirteen sixth graders that are looking to me as an authority figure? How does she think that makes me look? I honestly can't wait to get out of this school and rid my life of this unnecessary stress! I don't know if future principals will be any better (or worse) as my teaching career continues. I don't know if I'm in an uncommon situation where I am needlessly picked and prodded over every little detail. I do know, however, that as I search for my next teaching job, I will seek slightly better wages, but more importantly, an administration that does not treat me like just another student in the classroom.